A list of kinks is only useful if it tells you what each one is and how to try it. Most lists give you a hundred words with no context. This one sorts 40 common kinks into four levels, from easy first tries to things most people work up to, with one line on what each is and one idea for a first try.
We build an adult AI chat app, so read the last section as an interested opinion. The list itself stands on its own.
How to read this list of kinks
Start at level one and move down only when you want to. The levels are about how much setup, trust and talk a kink usually needs, not about how "extreme" you are. Plenty of people stay at level one for years and are very happy there.
Use it with a yes, no, maybe list. Mark each kink yes, no or maybe. You will learn more from your maybes than your yeses. Our guide to the yes, no, maybe list walks through it.
Level one: easy first tries
These need almost no gear and very little planning.
| Kink | What it is | A first try |
|---|---|---|
| Dirty talk | Saying what you want out loud | Describe one thing you want, in plain words |
| Teasing | Building want by holding back | Kiss everywhere except where they want it |
| Blindfolds | Taking away sight so touch hits harder | A sleep mask and five minutes of slow touch |
| Spanking | Light slaps on the bottom | A few open-hand swats, checking in after each |
| Hair pulling | A firm grip at the base of the hair | Grip close to the scalp, never pull from the ends |
| Praise | Being told you did well | Tell them exactly what they did right |
| Biting | Light nips during sex | Shoulders and neck, soft first |
| Roleplay | Playing characters together | Strangers meeting at a bar |
| Lingerie | Outfits as part of the turn-on | Pick something for each other |
| Mirror sex | Watching yourselves | Move the action in front of a mirror |
Level two: a little planning
These usually need a quick talk first and maybe one item from a shop.
| Kink | What it is | A first try |
|---|---|---|
| Light bondage | Being tied or held so you can't move much | Soft cuffs or a silk tie on the wrists |
| Edging | Getting close, then stopping | Stop three times before you finish |
| Orgasm denial | Being told "not yet" | Your partner decides when |
| Feet | Attraction to feet | A foot massage that turns into more, or AI feet chat first |
| Temperature play | Ice or warm hands on skin | An ice cube down the spine |
| Sensation play | Feathers, fur, nails on skin | Trade a feather and fingernails |
| Toys | Vibrators and plugs in the mix | Use one together, not just alone |
| Exhibition fantasy | The thrill of maybe being seen | Talk through a fantasy, keep it at home |
| Voyeur fantasy | The thrill of watching | Describe what you'd want to see |
| Uniforms | Costume as character | One outfit, one character, one night |
Level three: talk it through first
These are fine for many people but deserve a real conversation about limits.
| Kink | What it is | A first try |
|---|---|---|
| Dominance and submission | One leads, one follows | One evening of simple orders |
| Femdom | A woman takes charge | She sets the rules for the night |
| Rope | Tying with rope, often for looks | A simple wrist tie from a beginner guide |
| Latex and leather | The look and feel of the material | One piece of clothing, not a full outfit |
| Humiliation | Being teased or put down by agreement | Light, playful teasing only, with a clear stop word |
| Impact play | Paddles, floggers, hands | A paddle on the bottom, light and slow |
| Pet play | Taking on an animal role | A collar and a name for the night |
| Free use fantasy | Being available any time, by agreement | A planned weekend, with rules agreed first |
| Chastity | Being kept from touching yourself | A day or two, by agreement |
| JOI | Being told how to touch yourself | Let a partner give step by step orders |
Level four: work up to these
These usually need experience, trust and research. Many people only explore them as fantasy.
| Kink | What it is | A first try |
|---|---|---|
| Heavy bondage | Full body ties or restraints | Learn from a class or a rope partner first |
| Findom | Financial domination | Try AI findom as fantasy before any real money |
| Cuckolding | Watching or hearing about a partner with someone else | Fantasy talk in bed, for a long time first |
| Breath play | Restricting breath | Most educators advise against it; keep it as fantasy |
| Wax play | Hot wax on skin | Body-safe low heat candles only |
| Group play | More than two people | Talk through what you'd want and what you wouldn't |
| Primal play | Rough, wordless, animal energy | Wrestling for control, with a stop word |
| Medical roleplay | Exam scenes | Props only, nothing sharp |
| Degradation | Being called names by agreement | Agree the exact words first |
| Total power exchange | Rules that last beyond the bedroom | Months of shorter play first |
Try a kink in chat before you try it in bed
This is the step no other list gives you. Reading a list tells you what a kink is. It doesn't tell you how it feels to be on the end of it. A chat can.
A fantasy run through text is low stakes. You can try "being told not yet" for ten minutes and find out if it does anything for you, before you ever bring it to a partner. If it does, you now have words for it, which makes the real conversation much easier. If it doesn't, nothing was lost.
That is what we built kinky AI chat for. You pick a woman who is already into a kink, or build your own, and try it in plain words. Switch to a different kink tomorrow. She remembers which ones landed. It works best as practice and fun, not a stand-in for talking to a real partner.
Where we fall short: a chat can't teach rope technique or how hard a paddle lands. For anything physical at levels three and four, learn from people who teach it.
If one kink takes over, go deeper. Femdom AI is built around a woman in charge, and AI BDSM around power exchange. Our plain guide to what femdom means and the one on JOI cover two kinks on this list in depth.
Common questions
What are the most common kinks?
The same few come up again and again: light bondage, spanking, dominance and submission, roleplay and dirty talk. Most of them sit at level one or two on this list.
How do I find out what my kinks are?
Go down a list of kinks and mark each one yes, no or maybe. Then try one maybe at a time, in fantasy first if that feels safer.
Is it normal to have kinks?
Yes. Kinks are common, and most of them are mild. What matters is that you both want it.
Pick one and try it tonight
You came here for a list of kinks to try. The best next step is to pick one maybe from level one or two and try it, with a partner or in a chat first. Secret Desires has women who are already into the kinks on this page, so you can find out what you like before you say it out loud.
